Background Noise and Cannon Fodder
by The Watch Stander
Summary: Dr Weir, Teyla and Ronan all have their day with Rodney. What will be the resolution? After 3 years on Sheppard's team what does Rodney think?
1. Chapter 1

**Back Ground Noise and Cannon Fodder**

**Disclaimer: **All in fun, MGM/Sony own the world and Atlantis!

My degree is in Art and Computer Graphics not Medicine ,so please forgive any medical mistakes.

**Rating: **Rodney Angst and Sheppard Whump, then Rodney Whump and hopefully improved relations? One can only hope! Not slash.

**The Watch Stander © 2006 **

**PS: To all who have read my stories and left Comments. Thank you so much:)**

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**Chapter One- Left behind**

Rodney's POW:

People ask me what it's like to be on Sheppard's team and I really have to stop and think about what to say. Diplomacy is not my strong suit, and I really have to work hard not to say exactly what I think, for fear that it might hurt someone's feelings. My feelings, such as they are , I keep well buried; someplace where no one will find them. I'm also not a people person, but since coming to Atlantis I'm trying to learn to get along.

I must say though, it's very interesting as well as exciting and nerve racking to be on Colonel Fearless' Team. I never go through the gate expecting a dull day, not with him in charge. One of our team always comes back in worse shape than when they left and it's usually him or me.

I use to consider the team my surrogate family, actually I still do, but they have relegated me into the category of background noise. They ignore all my warnings; any complaints I have get the response of 'shut up ,Mckay' and so on. As I said, no one listens to me, usually with dire consequences.

Just look at what just happened on the Wraith Planet; three of our team were shot! Two of that number were shot by our fearless leader, me included. Afterwards, I voiced my complaint about his shooting me and all I got was 'Get some rest, Rodney!'

The nerve of the man, he shot me and that's all he could say! However, I should have expected it to happen sooner or later. After Doranda he started telling everyone ,including Cameron Mitchell ,to just shoot me! I guess he finally decided to take his own advice and just do it himself.

Anyhow, if he'd listened to me sooner or helped me with the Wraith device it wouldn't have happened, but who listens to me... I'm just the genius they call on to save their asses when he screws up big time.

Oh well, I just have to stay three steps ahead of Fearless if I want to survive the mission and come back in more or less one piece. He likes being the hero, so I let him. I still watch his back and everyone else's as well, but I'm a scientist, not bloody Wyatt Earp ! My aim is terrible, and let's face it, guns scare me. It's a miracle I haven't shot myself.

So here we are once more running from the local people of this planet, that Fearless has some how managed to piss off by saying or doing the wrong thing. The elderly leader hit Sheppard with his staff for God Sakes! Luckily it was Fearless' head and not his legs or I wouldn't be helping him run back to the jumper. His head wound is still bleeding profusely and I feel sorry for him, but I need to get him into the jumper; before another one of us gets taken out by the crude guns the locals are using. I've felt several shots whiz by my ear in the past few minutes as it is, and I think their aim is getting better.

This is just another one of those crappy days that I wish I never had. Sheppard is running at a stumbling pace and manages to take me down with him when he finally trips. The bullets are still flying and behind us Teyla and Ronon try to protect our backs while we're down.

I gather up Colonel Fearless and once more we set out at a brisk hobble. My back is now killing me; it must be the extra weight of Fearless, who I'm all but carrying. Carson better have some painkillers ready when we get back.

The only good thing is, that Fearless so far, is the only one hurt; not that I wished him harm. After all, we use to be kinda friends, but that was before Doranda, it's not that way now. I've since become background noise to him as well.

The shots are becoming more frequent and closer as we near where the cloaked jumper is parked; I quickly use the remote and it magically appears.

We make a mad dash up the ramp and both of us fall into a heap; bullets whizzing all around us and pinging off the metal parts of the ship. I manage to protect Fearless by covering him with my body, but once I hear the answering P-90 fire from our team, I try to get up . My back protests loudly by sending searing hot pains through my body as I do so. Complaining won't get me anywhere, cause Fearless is out of it now. With my back still protesting, I grab his hands and drag him further inside to safety; then I head for the pilot seat. I'll leave the triage to others, I have other priorities, like flying this thing.

Moments later my team mates, Conan and Zena arrive and I shut the rear door when they shout 'Shut the God damn door , Mckay!' at me.

Such language, I think they're learning bad words from hanging around Fearless. He really has a foul mouth!

So now it's once more up to the genius scientist to save the day by flying the jumper home and getting fearless leader to Carson. Everyone will be upset and hover around our leader for days, worrying about how he is. Ever since Kolya fed him to the Wraith, they baby him.

Me, they laugh at every time something happens. Kolya and the Asurans torture me and no one cares. I get shot by a Wraith stunner in the face and everyone thinks it's funny, along with getting an arrow in my ass!

Yeah, that was really funny! I'd like to see how Fearless felt if that had happened to him. All I got from him was pain-in-the-ass jokes.

Like I said, he doesn't care, the man shot me after that, so I know where I stand with him. I really must say though, I had hoped we'd be friends again after Doranda, until an incident with a lemon made me think otherwise. He actually told Mitchell to shoot me and handed him a real lemon to use on me as well! Fearless knows I'm deathly allergic to lemon. It was so unfair and not funny, and it hurt, cause it showed me what I was to him and the team.

Cannon fodder, that's me.

Even when Fearless and Radek saved me from the sunken jumper, it was probably only done because one of his men, Griffith was with me. If it had only been me in there, the rescue never would have happened.

Anyhow, I can hear Teyla in the back of the jumper talking to Fearless, and Ronon keeps shouting for me to fly faster.

Doesn't the man know we can only go so fast? Maybe I should tell him to get out and push!

My back is really starting to hurt, sending sharp pains through my insides and making me dizzy. I say something out loud to the others about my back hurting and the angry retort I get from Ronon is 'Quit whining, McKay and get us home. Sheppard needs the Doc.'

Sheppard gets all the attention for a crack on the head and all I get is insults.

Like I said ,cannon fodder.

I've called Atlantis for Carson to meet us and he's there waiting with his Medical team as I set the jumper down in the bay. I'm exhausted and my back hurts so much ,I just want to put my head down.

There's activity behind me as Teyla and Ronon take our Fearless leader out the rear door and turn him over to Carson. I can hear Fearless's voice talking to Carson ,so I don't bother turning around and over time the noise seems to lessen in degrees. Before I know it, there's silence behind me; they've all left taking Fearless to the infirmary.

No one even asked about me. Fearless it seems needs all their attention.

Yup, Cannon Fodder McKay, that should be my new name.

I try to get up, wanting to follow them as well, knowing I need help, but my legs are no longer working, something is very wrong with me.

Like I said, 'I have a bad back'; it's now killing me and I'm seeing stars. There's so much pain, I think I'm going to pass out.

My mind is so befuddled ,I can't remember how to use the Jumper's communications device and somehow I've lost my headset as well.

So, I try calling out loud for help.

No one answers, there's no one out there.

That done, I finally rest my head on the control consol for awhile, until I can try to get up again.

It's so quiet and peaceful...I slowly drift off into the blackness, as it welcomes me with open arms...offering me comfort and respite from the pain .

TBC

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An: Cannon Fodder McKay :(

I think that's an apt description of our Man Mckay this season. Sheppard has no heart! Nor anyone else for that matter. They just don't care.

Poor Rodney:o


	2. Chapter 2

**Background Noise and Cannon Fodder**

**Disclaimer**: MGM/Sony Own Atlantis and this was done for fun.

**Angst**/**Friendship**- Rodney & John

**The Watch Stander** © 2006

Wow! So many people read this! Thank you so much!

Hopefully this chapter will pull the story a little more together and make almost everybody happy. This will be John's point of view.

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**Chapter Two**- Missing One Scientist

John's POV:

My head hurts and I feel like someone hit me with a stick. Oh, they did hit me with a stick, I forgot. The old geezer in charge was a bit senile; he must have mistaken me for the Genii, cause I seem to remember their name coming into the conversation. After that he hit me I can't remember anything.

Carson checks me over and gives me something for my headache which works great, masking the pain within a few minutes time. I have to wear a small bandage, but that's ok, just as long as I don't have to stay in here overnight. Teyla and Ronon look happy to see me sitting up and I give them my 'I'm fine smile'.

Teyla smiles at me,"It's good to hear that you will be all right, Colonel."

Ronon follows it with his usual, "Yeah, that's great!"

The only voice missing is McKay's and looking around I don't see him.

"Where's McKay?" I'm a little hurt that he isn't here as well.

Ronon shrugs and Teyla shakes her head. "I don't know. Maybe he went to the mess to get something to eat."

That makes sense, him having hypoglycemia. So I drop it, knowing that sooner or later he would show up for his after-mission checkup or Carson would have a fit.

So now I'm all gassed up and happy and wish to tell my team how much I appreciated them carrying me to safety out of the village from hell.

"Thanks ,Guys, for rescuing me from looney land," I tell them.

"You're Welcome, Colonel, but you must Thank Dr. McKay, since he was the one who dragged you to the jumper, " Teyla tells me sweetly.

I must say, I'm not really surprised by that fact. McKay is called many things, but sometimes he can be just damn heroic. It gives me the warm fuzzies knowing everyone on my team was looking out for me.

Like I said, I'm drugged and happy and it makes me goofy.

" Well, I'll find him and tell him. " I know he needs to hear it from me every once in a while and lately I haven't said much of anything to him.

He's the one that's been in a world of hurt over the past few months. Lots of bad things have happened to him. Yup, I need to cut him some slack and at least say Thanks. I'll find him and tell him just as soon as I get out of here.

"Where did you see McKay last?"

"He was still in the jumper when we left. He complained about his back, hurting. You know McKay. "Ronon tells me.

I do know McKay and his back probably is sore after dragging my sorry ass all the way to the jumper. Since his back is hurting ,he will probably go to his quarters first for his pain pills, then the mess.

I ask about my gear and P-90 and Ronon says he left them in the jumper, so I plan on retrieving them after I find McKay.

"I'll meet you guys in the mess. Think I'll check McKay's quarters first, then I'll pickup my gear. Let me know if you find him."

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I'm on my way to McKay's, hoping to find the elusive scientist. On the way I check his lab, but no one's seen him. I also call Carson and ask him to contact me if McKay shows up.

None of us on Atlantis lock our doors during the day, we have an honor system and it works. When I enter McKay's quarters there's no sign of Rodney and none of his off world gear is anywhere either, so he must have gone elsewhere.

Since I don't have the energy to traipse all over Atlantis looking for McKay, I decide to pickup my gear in the jumper and then head to the mess for some eats.

I contact Teyla and she confirms that McKay is not there. She also says that none of the serving staff have seen him either.

Another mystery, where is Rodney McKay?

The jumper bay is quiet as a tomb and I'm beginning to feel like a deflating tire. Probably need to eat and go to bed; it's been a really tough day and I'm not getting any younger. My whole body is beginning to let me know what it thinks about today's exploit of running and dodging with Rodney.

I'll talk to McKay tomorrow. Let Carson find him and give him hell for not getting his physical.

The jumper is dark, so I think about lights as I enter and on they come in the back area. My gear is all there by the bench, so I start to pick it up. Something shiny catches my eye in the front of the jumper; It's by the side of the pilot's seat where there isn't any equipment. I slowly approach it wondering what it could be.

I can't believe what I find, a watch on an arm hanging down by the pilot's seat. It's owner is slumped over the consol. When I realize who it belongs to I'm stunned; It seems I've found McKay, he looks asleep.

"McKay, What the hell are you doing? " When he doesn't answer I start to worry. I was ready to read him the riot act and now I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe his back is the problem.

"McKay, wake up!" I shake him, but there's no response what so ever. After checking his pulse which is very faint and finding his skin cold to the touch, I realize he's in shock, and so am I.

What on earth happened to him that would cause this, certainly hurting your back wouldn't do it. I wish on the lights and now get a good look at his too pale features.

Something is terribly wrong. My pulse starts pounding in my head as fear starts to take control. Checking him I find the problem, blood covers the back of the seat and his shirt, a lot of blood...

What the hell happened?

Pulling up his shirt I find a bullet hole in his back.

It only takes a minute to call Carson, then look in the jumper med kit for something to stop the bleeding. Thank God I hadn't gone to the mess first.

All I can do now is wait for help to arrive as I hold the bandage firmly against the wound ,trying to get it to stop bleeding.

Through all of this Rodney hasn't so much as stirred, just lies here against the consol looking totally helpless. He must have passed out from the pain while sitting here. Seeing him like this hurts.

No one knew, or thought to ask.

My friend, hurt and all alone, sitting here in the dark; how crappy is that?

What must he have been thinking?

"God, McKay! Why didn't you tell us?" Is all I can say feeling heartsick.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Background Noise and Cannon Fodder

Disclaimer: Atlantis belongs to MGM/Sony. This is done for fun, not profit.

Rating: Angst/Friendship

Thanks to everyone that reviewed. So many different responses and everyone was kind even if they didn't like it, so Thank you!

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**Chapter 3:** Found

Carson's POV :

Colonel Sheppard's urgent call had me and my staff running as if the very devil were chasing us. We were able to stabilize Rodney once we got him back to the infirmary. I got the bullet out, and then all I could do was wait to see how he came out of the operation.

The bloody bugger had us all worried, and none more so than Colonel Sheppard, who was even now sitting here looking at Rodney as if he were a foreign object. I think I know how he feels, why would Rodney not call out for help. This isn't the Rodney we all know. I feel terrible that he was left there injured and none of us knowing it.

Sometimes, I just don't understand the man, I think he's finally lost it. The stress over the past few months has been way too much for the poor bugger and he's finally cracked.

I've checked his glucose level and it is very low which could be part of the problem. This has been known to cause depression in some people and especially if they are already under stress. God knows he's been under stress, captured by the wraith, shot twice, and almost destroying the universe again. What hasn't the man been through.

So here we sit waiting to see if our Rodney wakes up and tells us what the problem is. Hopefully Colonel Sheppard won't strangle him before he can tell us. I know the Colonel's angry, but right now that won't help. Rodney needs to be handled with kid gloves. For all his arrogance, he still is quite a sensitive soul. Only those of us who know him well see it, but it is there. Every once in a while you get a glimpse of that side, but you must look quick or you'll miss it.

Colonel Sheppard has dozed off now and I'm still thinking he should be in his own bed asleep after the day he's had. However, he's just as stubborn as Rodney and wouldn't hear of it until Rodney wakes up, so I've let him stay.

I worry about Rodney every time he goes off world ; someday I expect him to be brought back dead. He's a scientist for god's sake, not Rambo.

But then he's still a good friend as abrasive as he is and I wouldn't change him. Sometimes though when it comes to his health, I think he needs a good shaking.

Finally Rodney stirs and I move to the side of the bed, trying to not wake the Colonel.

"Rodney, how are you feeling?" I keep my voice low.

"Carson,... I feel like crap, what happened?"

"You've got a bloody big hole in your back from a bullet; that's what happened. Why didn't you tell someone so we could help you?"

He looks up at me as if this is a revelation, "Bullet? My back? I thought I pulled something ,it hurt so much."

I shake my head, the man's daft. "No, it's a bullet hole, trust me. If Colonel Sheppard hadn't found you, we wouldn't be having this conversation. "

"Oh, he found me? "

"Aye, It's a lucky thing, or you could have bled to death."

I'm still talking low, I need to find out what made him do something so stupid before Colonel Sheppard asks him. Maybe I can run interference and protect him. Despite being injured he seems very vulnerable and confused.

"I guess I just didn't feel so good after we landed. Sheppard needed to get to the infirmary. I thought I could make it on my own. Guess I was wrong. Is he all right?"

"Aye, he's right here waiting to talk to you. He was very upset that you were injured."

Rodney looks past me at the sleeping figure in the chair. "I'm in trouble?"

"Aye, he's not happy, but he's more worried than angry. Why you get yourself into these messes is beyond me. "

I shake my head and try to decide whether to administer the sedative before I wake Colonel Sheppard to talk to Rodney. I decide it's best to do it now, then afterwards I shake Colonel Sheppard awake.

Rodney's eyes are starting to droop so this won't be a long conversation. Everyone will get a good night's sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Background Noise And Cannon Fodder**

**Disclaimer:** Atlantis is owned by MGM/Sony. This is done for fun not profit.

**Category: **Angst/Friendship

All ages

Again thanks to all who are still with me on this, you make my day!

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**Chapter Three**: The Man Called McKay

Rodney's POV:

I awaken to bright lights, a dry mouth and lots of pain. My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton balls and my mouth feels like I swallowed the same.

Thank goodness for drugs or I'm sure I'd be in a bigger world of hurt. Speaking of which, I seem to remember Sheppard calling my name, but I don't remember when. I think I got everyone back safe from the planet, but again everything is fuzzy including my brain.

The memory of our return slowly comes back to me now as I lie here and then I realize the pain is from a bullet wound in my back. That's right, Carson told me it wasn't my back that was injured. I vaguely remember falling down with Sheppard on the planet under a hail of bullets and then trying to get him moving again. Must have made a great target for an Annie Oakley wannabe. Someone was a good shot, that's for sure.

Right now, I wish I was anywhere but here, where Sheppard can find me. There's gonna be trouble; I remember from his tone of voice as he called my name. I just hope I didn't call him Fearless, or I'm so dead.

Now I'm beginning to wish I was dead, then he couldn't hurt me; he doesn't like nicknames, especially from me. I remember calling him Kirk one time and that didn't go over so big.

Looking around, I realize it's very early morning, a guess would be about 06:00am. Everything is quiet and I swear if I could move I'd crawl back to my quarters and bar the door. Call me a coward, but the wrath of Sheppard is not nice to watch, especially if one is the recipient of that wrath. Usually I can hold my own with him, but not today, my heart just isn't in it. Part of me just wants to pull the covers over my head and hide. Like I said Coward.

Just to be on the safe side I check both sides of the bed to be sure he isn't hiding, ready to pounce on me when I least expect it. The man can be a nut job when he wants to. After all, it was his idea to throw me off that balcony when I was testing the personal shield. His next idea was to toss me in the ocean and see if I could walk underwater. I nixed that idea fast.

Like I said nut job.

So here I am, awaiting to see if I die a slow painful death, or a quick painful death. My fate is in one crazed Colonel's hands.

Where's Carson when I need him?

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**Carson's** **POV:**

Colonel Sheppard didn't get much out of Rodney last night ,as the daft bugger fell asleep as I'd hoped. The Colonel also needed to get a good nights sleep before he accosted our Rodney and the same can be said of the latter. Neither man was in any condition for arguing.

The Colonel feels badly about what happened and he said that he'd spoken to Teyla and Ronon and told them about Rodney's condition. Understandably they were upset as well. Can't say as I blame them, I also feel responsible. The only one who wasn't at fault is Colonel Sheppard, he was injured and more or less out of it at the time. However, as team leader he's taken on the guilt for the whole thing.

This morning Rodney seems to be coming along. His readings are improving and everything seems to be under control so far. Still not out of the woods yet.

What I don't want is for him and Sheppard to argue. Neither of them need that, so I plan on being the referee. I'll toss John out and shake Rodney if I have to, in order to keep the peace. I'm on my way now to check on my patient to be sure he's ok ,for at any time now I expect John to show up.

I think I'll just increase the pain meds, that way Rodney will be sleepy and maybe not say anything to dig himself a bigger hole than the one he's already in.

I can see that he's awake now.

"How ya feeling, Rodney? Are ye in any pain?"

He looks at me with that pitiful hurt look he has when he's badly injured. I swear no matter how mad you get at him, when he looks this way you just feel sorry for him.

So help me, Colonel Sheppard better not start anything or I swear he'll answer to me.

"I'm in a little pain, Carson"

"A little you say, I bet it's a whole lot more. I'll increase the dosage. "

It's a simple thing to adjust the drip to increase the amount and only takes me a moment. What's so unusual is how quiet Rodney is through all this. Not like him at all, even if he is medicated.

"So, how are you feeling otherwise?"

He looks at me as if he's not sure what to say.

"Like crap, and I think everyone ...hates me."

"What's that you say, Rodney? Hates you? Why?"

"I don't know, just feels that way. I feel useless." He suddenly averts his eyes and stares at his lap.

This is as pitiful a look as I've ever seen on Rodney's face. It suddenly comes to me that the man's depressed. It has to be that. So much has happened this year, sadly most of it bad.

"You're not useless, look at all the times you've saved us. Where'd we be without you? Dead for sure! So stop talking rubbish and let's worry about getting you well."

He looks at me with his sad blue eyes, but I see a spark of hope there, maybe what I've said is sinking in. Sometimes people with big egos have to be told that they are worthwhile.

I know I consider him a good friend and wouldn't trade him for the world. He looks sleepy, so I carefully tuck the covers around him and he looks grateful as his eyes start to close.

I smile at him then leave hoping he gets some more rest before John arrives. Elizabeth wants to drop in as well, so it's going to be hectic here in a little while.

TBC

AN: Sorry it's so short, but I will post more tomorrow and hopefully have an end Ta Ta by Monday. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Background Noise and Cannon Fodder**

**Disclaimer: **Atlantis is owned by MGM/Sony no profit made or infringement intended. This was done for th e fun of it.

A great big Thanks to all who have reviewed , it makes my day!

**Rating** :Angst/Friendship

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**Chapter Five**: The Reckoning

I head toward the infirmary intent on having a long talk with Rodney McKay, one pain-in-the-ass, arrogant scientist. Last night I didn't get anything out of him other than mumbling something about Cannon fodder and background noise, what ever the hell that meant. Carson had him drugged to the gills so he wasn't making any sense at all.

Something is wrong with McKay and I need to find out before he self destructs.

As I come through the door, Carson sees me and heads my way.

"Colonel I want you to go easy on Rodney, I think I know what's happening with him."

"And that would be?" I ask

"He's depressed, simple as that. The strain from the past few months has gotten to him and I think he's just fallen into this state of depression and feeling unwanted and useless. It happens to the best of us. Ya just need to give him a little time, maybe help him out by not shouting at him. Let it go, Son. You'll be glad later when he comes to his senses."

I look at Carson as if he just told me Rodney is doing drugs. What can McKay be thinking! We all try to get along on my team, he of all of us is the hardest to deal with. At least, he use to be. Lately he just gives me these hurt looks like I yelled at him. Maybe I have been too rough on him.

"All right, Carson. But I can't promise not to be angry, after all he almost died. How stupid is that!"

I Thank Carson and head for McKay, who just happens to have the last bed at the far end of the room. There's a chair beside the bed, so I sit down, trying to get my thoughts together and my temper in check; after all McKay is injured and I don't want to beat up on him in his condition. However, if I could, I'd give him a good shaking for pulling such a stupid stunt.

His pale face is turned toward me and I notice his eyes are now open and starring at me. I can read a touch of fear on his face, so I know he's aware that I'm here.

"Hey, McKay, welcome back to the land of the living!" I try to smile as I say it.

Rodney blinks a couple of times, "Hey", he practically whispers it.

Carson must still have him doped up.

"So, want to tell me what happened yesterday?" This should be good, cause he can't very well squirm out of answering me.

However, I do notice a sadness reflected in his eyes, as he seems to be thinking of how to reply. If it's one thing that's consistent with McKay, it's his honesty. He's not very good at lying , therefore he usually doesn't try. It's so easy to read his face.; right now I see pain written there as well as confusion. Pretty soon he'll have that hurt puppy dog look on his face and I'll cave in and not be mad any longer. How can you be angry at someone who looks at you that way?

"Well?, I ask hoping to get a pass on the hurt look and an answer to my question instead.

"I don't remember much after getting back to the jumper and landing it in the bay." He states softly.

"Why didn't you tell Teyla or Ronon you were hurt?"

Again I get that sad look.

"I thought I did, but I must have forgotten. Thought it was just a back problem, nothing too serious."

What can I say to that? The man is so stubborn. He's also protecting Teyla and Ronon, as they told me he had said something, but they had mistaken it for his usual whining; especially when nothing further was said. You can't fault him for his loyalty. It's one of the things I like about him.

"So you want to talk about what's bothering you? Carson says you seem rather down. I seem to remember you mentioning something about cannon fodder last night; what's that about?"

He closes his eyes and then opens them again, glancing at me with a very sad look, worse than the hurt puppy one I was expecting. Now I really feel like a heel, cause I know it's something I've done, not done, or said.

"I just feel so useless," He shakes his head slowly, "l couldn't save so many people when they needed my help. They just died and I watched, Peter, Gaul, Abrams and the list goes on. All because I couldn't do anything to help. If I'm so smart, why couldn't I save them?"

"You did save lives, McKay. But you're not superman, people die and there's nothing you could have done. You shouldn't blame yourself for their loss. Others were saved by you, many times over. "

Now I know why he was depressed, it was only a matter of time before all of this finally caught up to him. In this way we are alike, we blame ourselves when someone we know dies and we can't prevent it. It's how I'd feel if anything happened to Teyla, Elizabeth, Carson, Ronon and even Rodney.

The fact that I just added Rodney last is not lost on me; when did he fall so far behind the others? Maybe I have been a little too hard on him lately and not been much of a friend. Especially if I've relegated him to the bottom of the list. I remember giving the same list and order to Teyla.

Somewhere along the line I lost the ability to read him; I never even noticed him starting this self destruct mode,. Team leaders aren't suppose to play favorites, but hell Rodney and I are friends, or have I lost that as well?

"You even saved Rod by sending him back to his own Universe and making sure he got there safely. " I was grasping at straws, but at least it was true.

He gave a very small smile at that.

"The only reason I did that was so he wouldn't come back. If he'd stayed here I would have had to leave; I couldn't compete with him. So you see that was done for selfish reasons. These past few months have given me a lot of time to think about what's happened."

His face fell back into that sad look, the one that spoke of heartbreak and pain. It was painful to see him like this.

"I failed on the wraith planet and nearly got us all killed, because I couldn't shut the damn machine down. I couldn't even save you from Kolya, I didn't locate you in time. When we finally arrived, you even said 'thanks for showing up' to me, so you knew I had failed as well."

For once I wished I had kept my big mouth shut; saying that to Rodney was just damn cruel. I must have been feeling abandoned and taking it out on the first person I saw. Unfortunately it was Rodney and he took it to heart.

"I didn't mean it, McKay. I know you tried your best. Hell, Kolya said it would have been you instead ,if he'd caught you first and I would be the one feeling helpless."

"Well, maybe so. At least you wouldn't have had to watch the wraith feed on me twice, cause I'd have died the first time it touched me. I'm just not strong like you."

His face said it all, the honesty there was heart wrenching.

It came to me then, Rodney had to watch the wraith while it fed! What must that have done to him? I know how I'd feel if the roles had been reversed. I had been frantic to save Rodney and Ronon from that hive ship when the Wraith had betrayed us. So what must Rodney have felt watching it actually take place on someone he knew?

I decided then on a little honesty both to Rodney and myself.

"Actually, I lied. The Wraith would never have touched you, Rodney. If the roles had been reversed, Ladon would have been given to Kolya immediately. No one and I mean no one, would've prevented me from trading Ladon for you. "

Rodney looked at me ,eyes opening wider, surprised by the emotional intensity of my statement.

It was true though, I would have traded Ladon in a heart beat, no questions or remorse what so ever. I would have done anything Kolya asked to get Rodney back unharmed and not have to watch a wraith feed on him. He was that important, both as a member of my team and as...my friend.

Sometimes it's very hard for me to say these things to people, as Teyla said. But I can see a little light shining now in Rodney's blue eyes as he realizes that what I said was true and that it shows how important he is to me. Hopefully it'll help and maybe stop this emotional meltdown that he seems to be set upon.

I smile at him and he tries to smile back, but his eyelids are starting to close. Carson has struck again. Rodney is off to the land of dreams. Hopefully I've helped put away some of those fears he had and he will have peaceful dreams while there. I pat his arm and sit back in the chair.

Maybe it's time to clean my house and put away some of my own nightmares.

AN: What do you guys think? Maybe one more POV from Rodney?


	6. Chapter 6

**Background Noise And Cannon Fodder**

An: I hope this brings my story to a close as this plot line was stolen by my muse who ran with it when I wasn't looking! So many of you were kind to review and I appreciate it very much.

I apologize for the time it took to post this final chapter as we had to take down our hurricane shutters this week as well as wash the windows underneath. Amazing, I no longer feel like I live in a tomb.

So, it's time to put this story to rest and get back to writing my traditional story that I have half finished. Thanks again to all of you.

Disclaimer: Sony/MGM own all of Atlantis. This was done for fun, not profit.

Rating: All

Category: Angst/Friendship

The Watch Stander © 2006

Weir, Ronon, and Teyla have their day with Rodney!

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Dr. Weir's POV

I make my way down to the infirmary, not sure what I'm going to find. Carson advised me that Rodney was brought here last night with a bullet wound. Almost as bad was the news from both him and John that Rodney was depressed.

It's been a long time since I've gotten together with Rodney for lunch or even a private meeting, but I still accept responsibility for not noticing his condition. After all, I have known and worked with Rodney longer than anyone here. Since he is a friend and head of the science department, I should be aware of his problem.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but of no help to me right now. I need to see Rodney and make sure he's all right and try to find out what happened. Kate will need to be involved in his recovery as well.

Carson sees me enter and nods letting me know it's all right to head toward Rodney's bedside. I find him at the very end of the infirmary where it's probably the quietest.

Rodney appears asleep, but his face is pale and he looks very tired. His eyes have dark circles under them making me suspect that he hasn't been sleeping well. I know he spends many nights in his lab getting little if any sleep. I will have to address that problem with him before he makes himself ill.

There's a chair next to his bed and I pull it up next to his bedside, so I can face him. He seems to still be sleeping, so I gently pick up his hand. It's been ages since I've even been this close to the man and I wonder where all the time has gone. My other hand seems to reach out on its own to brush softly against his cheek, just like the time he was on the gate room floor, after saving us from the energy being. He was so brave then; both Colonel Sheppard and I were amazed that he did that. It was just one of the many surprises that Rodney McKay had in store for us.

He stirs in his sleep and I continue to brush his cheek wanting to say something to him, but knowing he's not awake to hear it. As I look at his face I see the extra weight that he has put on, it could be from living on energy bars and MRE's as they're full of calories. I remember when I met him, how thin he was and how he seemed so arrogant; for some reason though, we got along, he listened to me and we worked well together. I like to think that was because of mutual respect and eventually friendship. He has always been there for me, when I needed help and protected me as well.

When he stepped in front of me to protect me from Kolya, I was more than grateful; it was such a brave thing to do and I'll never forget that.

As I said Rodney has many surprises inside him and we haven't seen them all.

I know he's made mistakes, but I can forgive him for that as long as he doesn't repeat them. Putting his life in danger on Doranda wasn't acceptable to me; I couldn't afford to lose him, or John for that matter. Both of them are important to Atlantis and to me; I value both of their friendships.

His eyes are opening now and he seems to know I'm here, so I take my hand away from his face, but continue to hold his hand wanting him to know that he has my support.

"Lizabeth?"

"Yes, Rodney. I'm here. How are you feeling?" I ask him.

He looks at me and I smile for him, wanting him to know that everything is all right.

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Rodney's POV

Elizabeth is here, and I must say I'm surprised to see her. She's never stayed with me when I've been here before. Probably thought it wasn't proper. However, she's here now and I'm pleased; she has that special smile on her face that I like to think is just for me. I never see her use it on anyone else, so call me silly, but that smile is mine.

"I don't feel so good, but Carson has me medicated up to my forehead, so it's ok, " I answer her.

"Do you want to tell me what happened to you? If you're too tired it can wait."

I decide to tell her, It's the truth, so why not say it.

" It's OK. After Sheppard was injured, I was taking him back to the jumper when one of our pursuers got lucky and used me for target practice. With all that was happening, I didn't realize I'd been hit. Sheppard may be skinny, but he's very heavy. When I finally got the jumper back to Atlantis, I thought I'd thrown my back out again, I didn't know I'd been shot. I must have been in a daze cause when I finally called out for help, it was too late, everyone had left."

Elizabeth smiles at me, "Carson has advised his medical people that from now on, everyone on the mission is checked immediately for injuries with no exceptions, so that this doesn't happen again."

I nod in agreement, really feeling stupid. I tell myself that I did try however, to let people know I had a problem, just not hard enough.

" So, you're going to be all right, but I want you to talk to Kate. Carson and John are worried about you."

I look at her unhappily, what did I say to them? I can only remember bits and pieces from last night. I know John was here and I must have said something to either him or Carson to warrant getting Kate involved.

"You know I'd rather not. I'm fine, Lizabeth."

She shakes her head, "No, you're not. This is not a request, Rodney. You will see Kate. "

Her faces changes from serious to smiling, "Do it for me?"

There it is again, my special smile. How can I refuse when she smiles at me like that. I want to be angry, but I let it go. Maybe I do need someone to talk to, after all.

Carson's face suddenly appears behind Elizabeth and he looks at me critically.

"Are ye up to some more company?"

My eyes widen, who could it be? I nod as Elizabeth smiles at me again and moves from the chair.

To my surprise, Ronon, Teyla, Radek, and Sheppard appear together. They surround me.

I don't know what to say.

Teyla walks up to me with Ronon right beside here.

"Rodney, I want to apologize for not realizing that you were injured. It was wrong to ignore you and trust me when I say it won't happen again."

Teyla 's so sincere in what she's saying, how could I ever refuse to accept her apology.

"It's ok, I know it was my fault as well."

Ronon looks at me, "What she said goes for me too."

I nod, "Ok, I forgive you too."

Sheppard is smiling now, "So we've all made up, let's give the man some air."

Radek steps up, "Good to see you better, Rodney. Everyone signed this card for you. "

He hands me a get well card with a whole lot of comments and signatures on it. I start to blush.

"Thanks, Radek, tell everyone Thank You for me."

Sheppard is grinning like a fool, and somehow I know he's behind this, but I appreciate the effort and everyone's attempt to cheer me up. No one's ever done that before.

"I don't know what to say to all of you, but Thank You." Everyone is looking at me now smiling.

Sheppard gets the last word in, "Just don't let it go to your head."

End


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